Babies deserve to be handled gently, during pregnancy, during labour and birth, just after being born and throughout their young lives. Is that not a big part of feeling love for your children, ensuring that no undue harm comes to them? Causing undue stress or harm, which is not just a physical concept but extends to the emotional too, is not a loving act. It is cruel and unkind, expecially when the little person doesn't understand why the person they love most in life, the person who is literally their entire universe is making them feel so sad (ignoring their cries, shouting at them, towering over them, hitting).
Birth without Violence by Frederik Leboyer is an oldie but a goodie (read it online here). I read it during my pregnancy for the first time and it helped shape my ideas of my (then) upcoming birth, and helped bring to realisation my gentle kind home birth. Unkind acts in birth (bright lights, smacking and holding newborns upside down, vicious suctioning [see pam englands blog piece for the natural alternative to suctioning during a cesarean section], early cord clamping, vigorous unnecessary washing and or drying, seperation from mom and delayed breastfeeding) need to stop. Imagine if you will a birth that goes like this: Mom and Dad labour together, and baby is birthed into her father's loving hands in warm water, the light is dim, the air is warm, the room is quiet, she is lifted out of the water into Mom's waiting arms and gently cuddled and welcomed into the world. That to me is love and it can be a reality for your baby too.
Being gentle and kind is not only applicable to home birth, or natural birth, or vaginal birth but can be applied to cesarean birth - Pam England's latest blog piece discusses natural cesarean sections. A baby deserves a gentle kind loving birth, no matter which type of birth that may be. Mothering doesn't begin once you leave the hospital, its starts the moment you conceive, protect your baby. Room in with your newborn, he is used to being with you constantly, he is used to hearing your heart beat, the rhythmic inhalation/exhalation of your breath, your voice, don't force him to be alone in another room with a bunch of crying babies for no good reason. It's not kind, the one thing your newborn needs is you. Plus the not uncommon practice slipping a newborn some formula to top them up (to give mom a rest after birth) is detrimental to establishing your breastfeeding relationship.
What if your baby is ill? The baby who needs a bit of extra care, needs extra care! There is definitely a place for modern medicine and technology, it helps saves little lives but be conscious of his treatment, does he really have to go through all of that? Is there not another way? Can they do their test whilst you hold him (nursing your little one can help soothe aches and pains associated with medical tests and restore peace and calm). Skin to skin contact and breastfeeding brought this tiny one back...have a read here... If Mom is otherwise occupied (you can keep your wriggly gorgeous warm newborn skin to skin on your chest whilst your cesarean incision gets repaired!!!) Dad (partner,loved one) is a very lovely replacement, much nicer than a lonely incubator in my opinion.
Keeping your newborn in skin to skin contact post birth will help get your breastfeeding relationship off to a good start. My newborn stayed with Dad for a bit whilst I got out of the pool to be checked and we missed our first opportunity to breastfeed, it was a struggle for 3 days thereafter to get her to latch. I will not be separated from my newborn until after their first feed in future. (We all have 100% hindsight, learn from my mistake).
Love your baby, love your body, love yourself!
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